Thoughts of a Canary

You'd think people would know about the internet by now... The day of the iPhone 6 release I was working at the bank. Consumed with smoldering rage from my very cheap smartphone consistently dropping calls and location while counting on the g.p.s., I had decided to go big and go iPhone. As I was working that day, I figured I would go order the iPhone at lunch while getting a key made for my new roommate. 1:30- Got my sandwich and celery #healthyeats. Lunchtime. Time to head out to the Verizon store and hardware store. I got this. 2:30- Back to the grind. I will get the new phone and key later. That Panda Express was delicious, and now I cannot move. It's so hard to get things done in this day and age. Mostly because distractions are so prevalent that it's hard to refocus on the things that really need to be done. Do I need to get through all 8 seasons of House on Netflix? Not really because they are all basically the same. Hugh Laurie will do his thoughtf...

Have you ever noticed that someone at a get-together will always ask where someone connected to you is? For some reason it is ingrained in the casual conversation formula. It is most apparent when you have a significant other. "Where's betty at?" "She's right over there ten feet away from us, actually." In a less awkward instance that person won't actually be there and you can give her whereabouts to the person: "She's actually in Montana shepherding mountain goats." I find the latter instance is much more conducive to further conversation, as the former readily gives way to an awkward and prolonged pause. I brought that thought up to my co-worker at the bank as we were toiling away aka standing outside the branch's door desperately waiting for someone, anyone to approach us. There are times where I get a little over-eager and almost shout a jaunty "GOOD MORNING!" to someone rapidly passing by almost out of earshot. Th...

"We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.  We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.  We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years."  Now that the World Cup fanaticism has run its course, I thought it apropos to share my feelings about the event as a whole.  By my rough estimates it seems as though about 90% of Americans couldn't care less about soccer as a sport. I am no soccer fan myself, and I believe the last game I watched all the way through was when I was about 8 and the women's team won the gold on penalty kicks. The World Cup is like the Olympics; it's not about the sport, it's about America playing on an international stage against the best teams other countries can field. This patriotic fervor is even more pronounced in the World Cup because we are usually so bad compared to a lot of other countries' teams.  During this past World Cu...

Change the proportions of the salads and pancakes, bro There are many times in a man's life when he stumbles upon a life-changing epiphany. For some it is of a religious nature. For some it is of a day-to-day variety.  For myself, I recently made a sojourn into Front Royal in order to partake of the fine cuisine of Jalisco's gourmet Mexican cuisine. I ordered some lunch special involving some random mix of enchiladas, tamales, tacos, etc. When it arrived, I took a few bites and settled down into eating mode.  Eating mode is when you no longer think about what you're doing or what you are eating. It is really quite the phenomenon if you think about it. I stopped eating for long enough to audibly say "what am I putting inside of me," and then went back to it. The leftovers were even more questionable in the nature of what specific ingredients they contained to the naked eye, but plebs can't be choosers. I have been thinking about that day a lot. ...

For Casi Before I started this blog, a few people told me that I should write a book.  I was very tickled by the idea, and very honored by the suggestion. Four months into this blog, not a soul has told me that I should write a book. I am very thankful for the incredulity, and very humbled by the silence. In all seriousness, thank you all for your kind words about T.O.C. Most of those comments are "Hey I read your blog!"with very little to follow regarding what was read and if it was intelligible or not, but I take what I can get.  The most concrete result of my writing has been certain persons saying "It is what it is" or "Don't take this the wrong way but..." with staunch regularity and transparent mirth.  You know who you are. Writing this blog has been incredibly beneficial to me in helping me to get to know myself. To give an example, it was during my writing that I realized that I eat approximately 150 lbs of cottage cheese in a y...

Affectionately referred to as "The Dome" For this blogpost, I was having trouble adopting a theme. I thought about publishing a piece about Obama's latest boo-boo (aka impeachable offense against the citizens of America), but few things upset me more than the things that man does. One of those things is girls posting pictures of their painted fingernails on social media. Instead of dwelling on such things, I thought about how I haven't written about my alma mater yet. This is surprising since it's a place of such magical mystery. It is the real-life Hogwarts (don't take that in a derogatory way). In fact, I could write a blog post making parallels between Christendom and Hogwarts (log that one away, Worley). The oddest thing about Christendom is it's popularity with it's students. As a student, you have three choices on how you define your relationship with the college: Love it, Hate it, Love to Hate it. By my arbitrary calculations, 25% l...

I have been utterly and irrevocably amiss in my tardiness in posting to this, my blog. C'est le vie. Getting settled into my new job and urban lifestyle has left me little time for the higher things in life (aka putting out fluff literature).  I have lately been considering the fact that as communicative beings we rely far too much on "filler material" that is to say phrases that mean nothing but allow us to lend the appearance of attention to the person with whom we are conversing. This is likely due to the breakdown of communication that we are experiencing as a society. I remember justifying my rampant cellphone use by mentally chalking it up to my proclivity for multi-tasking. I consider it an exercise in intellect as well as motor skills to do simultaneous activities. Writing blog posts while catching up on culturally significant shows (the Office), jogging while listening to Harry Potter audiobooks, eating cottage cheese while reviewing financial expose'...