A Canary Without a Nest - The Bachelor Edition

They say "Nice guys finish last." I say that nice guys know what they want. 

I realized that I have written about a great many aspects of my life. I have written about my socio-political views, my religious views here and there, my college years, my current work, etc. There's been a good amount of song dedicated to these important aspects of human life. One topic I haven't really written about is one that I find of the most foundational in the consideration of Man. So I said to myself, "Self, why have you not written about romantic relationships???" In order to rectify this obvious injustice to you, my dear readers, I laid out the groundwork for this post that you are about to read. By "laid out the groundwork" I mean "ate a frozen pizza and watched a documentary on honey badgers."

I was walking out to my car the other day, and I realized that I could (either honestly or hopefully) consider myself an "eligible bachelor". This is a term which here means "A guy with a reasonable chance of getting married based upon his educational, monetary, and employment status who is at least not markedly ugly."

Have you ever thought about the term "eligible bachelor"? The second that previous thought entered into my mind I felt sorry for the guys who are rendered ineligible bachelors. Sorry pal, you're out of luck. You're just not cut out to even be considered by any woman for marriage. What a silly term. Lyle Lovett married Julia Roberts. We're all eligible.

Thanks Lyle for bringing all men hope

In regards to my own bachelor life it is largely the same as my relationship life. I just have more time to make frozen pizzas and eat the entirety of them without having to share. The last time I did such I was on my day off and decided to watch the aforementioned documentary about honey badgers. Those rodents DO NOT CARE. They will attack lions, chase around giraffes, and tangle with hippopotami. They grab life by the horns and usually get mauled by it, but they just keep on with their snarky shuffle.

Midway through the 50 minute Badgermentary (the pizza having been consumed) the narrator detailed how a honey badger will commonly pick fights with incredibly dangerous snakes, seemingly just to mess with them (and later eat them, but still). If the HB is bitten, it will immediately go to sleep. When it awakens the poison will have been filtered, and he will be good to go. Ten minutes later I had passed out and I later awoke feeling refreshed and no longer pizza-imbued. It's how I keep my girlish figure.

When it truly comes down to it, it isn't one's significant other that forms you to be the man or woman that you need to be. It can help to have someone to whom you are accountable, but if you aren't holding yourself accountable that isn't going to make much of a difference. 

The differences between men and women behaviorally is something that is quite perplexing but also quite interesting. Generally speaking women tend to complain too much, care too much, and over-analyze. Our society has set the idea of man up as someone who complains little, cares little, and under-analyzes. I know a lot of men and women for whom that does not apply at all; It is interesting what the stereotypical image is however.

To end on a positive note, I want to give a shoutout to all the fantastic married couples whom I know. In their relationships with each other, as well as who they are individually, they are testaments to the fight that we are all engaged in against the sexual revolution and the war on the family. In a special way I want to acknowledge J and C, one of my favorite couples through the years. I am so very happy for you two as you begin your engagement. You are both fantastic and I look forward to my place as Uncle Swarles to your progeny.

In the meantime, to all the single ladies (all the single ladies!) and dudes, make sure you're living your life, not waiting to die. There is a beauty in forming who you are alone, just as when you do so with your wife or hubby. Let's all be honey badgers and be tenacious in life. There's too much pusillanimity in our culture today. 

~Worley