What Did I Just Put Inside Me

Change the proportions of the salads and pancakes, bro

There are many times in a man's life when he stumbles upon a life-changing epiphany. For some it is of a religious nature. For some it is of a day-to-day variety. 

For myself, I recently made a sojourn into Front Royal in order to partake of the fine cuisine of Jalisco's gourmet Mexican cuisine. I ordered some lunch special involving some random mix of enchiladas, tamales, tacos, etc. When it arrived, I took a few bites and settled down into eating mode. 

Eating mode is when you no longer think about what you're doing or what you are eating. It is really quite the phenomenon if you think about it. I stopped eating for long enough to audibly say "what am I putting inside of me," and then went back to it. The leftovers were even more questionable in the nature of what specific ingredients they contained to the naked eye, but plebs can't be choosers.

I have been thinking about that day a lot. Not because I had any great insight to food as a whole, but more to the general lack of sense that specific foods have in their own rights. Things like pancakes. As Jim Gaffigan (not really) so famously said: "You're not having cake for breakfast son, you're having fried cake covered in sugar." 

I can't eat pancakes or waffles on a regular basis anymore. I have to make a long-term plan to have a cleared schedule for the rest of the day. It's best to have nowhere to go, put on a pair of sweatpants, cook up four times the amount of pancakes you need, and then sleep for the rest of the day. It's the American way. 

Hot dogs are another one that I don't really get. I tend to eat lunches and even breakfasts on the go, so when I settle down to actually cook some foodstuffs, I want something substantial. Looking through my fridge stocked with a hodgepodge of cheap articles of edibility that do not go together in the slightest, I end up making some medley of ingredients. Ramen with hotdogs covered in siracha and ranch happens from time to time. Peanut butter-nutella-banana sandwich? It's a good day.

I put hotdogs in things from some underlying and mistaken belief that they have some nutritional content. Throw those bad boys in an omelette for protein. It's kind of a placebo meat.  

The idea of the corndog is another mind-boggling anomaly. A corndog is a hotdog on a stick wrapped in a pancake. How did that idea get through the FDA? When introduced to the American people, I have no idea how it came to be an acceptable part of a balanced lunch.

As far as desserts go, we have all just given up on sustenance at that point, so there isn't much to be said. Let's be honest though, bananas foster is a ridiculous concept. Let's fry bananas in booze and offer it as desert after your fine dining, what do you say? I love BF.

I love how the obesity problem is blamed on fast food. To be fair of course, having a Big Mac, a pound of fries, and a half gallon of sugar-flavored water will get you pretty rotund if eaten regularly. That right there is over the 2,000 calorie limit for the average American. At least with going to a fast food place you have to walk to your car and from your car; I can eat 10 pancakes and just watch netflix all day. 

The real point of all this is that as a culture most of us eat some pretty nasty stuff without sitting down and thinking about it. Secondarily, we sit down A LOT. I read some article about how you burn 3x more calories just standing as opposed to sitting, and in addition, the longer you sit the more your brain tells you you need to keep sitting. Helpful tips: Stay away from sitting, dishes you can't ascertain more than 2 ingredients of, and pancakes. There is never a good reason for pancakes.

~Worley