5 Slogans That Should Get Their Companies Sued

I can't dispute this one

The Slogan: Marketing Jack-Of-All-Trades. 

Sometimes it is the most simple things that are the most effective; such is the case with the ubiquitous slogan. It accomplishes a great number of objectives for promotion by one simple phrase. For the company, it gives credibility, brand recognition, and differentiation from competitors. For the consumer, it establishes a desire or need, a mnemonic seed, and a general ambivalence towards the company. In my humble opinion, the first thing a company should do is establish an excellent slogan. No one has ever asked for my opinion on the matter, but I have this medium of communication (aka my soapbox) where I can pretend that people do.

 By my rough estimation, there are 189.43 billion slogans in the informational conglomerate that is the internet. I admittedly did 0 minutes of research to come up with that number, but every company that is or was has had one. There are some truly awesome slogans out there. Odds are, the better the slogan, the more people actually like that company in a general sense. These odds are, again, not at all researched by me, but that's the beauty of the canary's thoughts. I'll give a couple slogans that are at the top of their class and just a short blurb why:

Bro, just do it. You don't want to? Just do it, would ya? The genius is in the simple. Nike took a simple phrase that denotes getting things done and applied it to a shoe company (it was pretty much just shoes then). Every time you say "just do it" you think of Nike. That's probably a lot if you have a spouse. Or kids. Or you are a kid. Aka everyone.

Bro that's incredibly small, I can't read it. That's the point. Have you seen Life Magazines from the 1950's? The pages were MASSIVE. For years upon years the prevailing advertising motif was that bigger is better. Lots of words, huge pictures. Then this hit in 1959 and blew everyone's minds. It single-handedly showed the benefits of having small cars (in the age of huge clunkers), boosted sales dramatically, and made a lot of people loyal to VW for a long time. One of the top 3 ads of the 20th century if not the pinnacle. If you want to accomplish your dreams, think small.

As per usual I digress. However, sometimes you have to drive a Ferrari before you realize how bad your Ford Fiesta really is. The following five slogans are actually pretty decent. If you're older/pay more attention to happenings of the 2000's you might have heard of Enron, a massive energy company in the 90's. They came up with a marketing slogan of "Ask Why" which apparently was to spark interest in how the company was different. Apparently people did, and they were audited and declared bankruptcy. They probably should have encouraged a more laissez-faire approach from the consumer market (irony at its finest). Without further ado, here's 5 slogans that are incredibly upsetting:

Nope

5. Good to the last drop

Have you had the last drop of coffee, of any coffee? It SUCKS. I don't care who you are, the last drop of coffee is the farthest thing from good. I don't know how it is at Maxwell's house, but at mine the last drop is either straight-up ground coffee beans or sugar water from Men In Black given to Ed the alien bug. Teddy Roosevelt must have been nursing an extreme hangover when he supposedly said this.

I really love coffee, I swear. I'm in a coffee shop writing this.

4. Best part of wakin' up is Folgers in your cup

The best part of wakin' up is not Folgers. I'm sorry, but that's ludicrous.

I can think of three things that are better parts of wakin' up. Snoozing, realizing 

that it's Saturday, and bacon. The best part of wakin' up is bacon in your gut. If I could go

back in time, the first thing I'd do would be to invest in Berkshire Hathaway. The second 

would be to tell Oscar Meyer to adopt that slogan.

 Do you want me to drink responsibly, Captain? Do you?

3. Drink responsibly - Captain's orders

Simply put, if you get to the point where you're looking to a cartoon pirate for life

guidance you missed the boat entirely on responsible drinking. It's all good though, because

once you get a little captain in you he'll order you to drink responsibly. Captain Obvious is 

better.

Raid focuses on the less intelligent consumer

2. Kills bugs dead

When I think of Raid's marketing meetings, I think of a bunch of balding hillbillies in a conference room drinking Pabst. Marketing companies apparently spend years researching a brand and gathering information to create the most hard-hitting slogan. Maybe the repetitious modifier resonated well with the test case, or maybe the slogan was developed in a foreign country where "kill" doesn't necessary imply death. 

What the heck does "State Farm" even mean?

1. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!

I've never had State Farm as an insurance provider, but I know people that have. I also have had neighbors, so I consider myself an expert on this particular one. Neighbors bake you cookies. Neighbors invite you to their barbecues and/or pool parties. Neighbors build tall fences to divide your two houses. Neighbors do not raise your premiums and threaten to drop your insurance plan. 

Your money's no good here, neighbor.

I wish these companies were paying me for this. If I could market myself well-enough I could probably get paid both by these companies and their major competitors, but instead I have you guys.

~Worley